A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her seat to the old lady. It is hot.

The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The woman looks up and says, “If you knew what I have, you would give me that fan.” The girl gives her the fan, too.

Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus driver, “Stop, I want to get off here.” The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, “If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here.”

The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As she”s walking out of the bus, he asks, “Madam, what is it you have?” The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, “Chutzpah.”


What’s in a name?

So one guy says to another guy, “Mandelbaum and Rosenstern were talking one day…”

Right away, his friend interrupts him, “Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do all the names in your jokes have to be Jewish?”

So he starts again, “Okay, so Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew’s Bar Mitzvah…”

La diferencia entre los movimientos ortodoxo, conservador, reformista y reconstruccionista

Un rabino ortodoxo, uno conservador y otro reformista discuten acerca de quien debe decir una brokhe sobre una langosta. El rabino ortodoxo no sabe que es una “langosta”. El rabino conservador no sabe que decir y el rabino reformista no sabe que es una “brokhe”.


En una boda ortodoxa, la madre de la novia está embarazada. En una boda conservadora, la novia está embarazada. En una boda reformista, la rabino está embarazada. En una boda reconstruccionista, tanto la rabino como su esposa estan embarazadas.